A Work in Progress

A couple weeks ago, I talked about Mason and his behavior ... here and here. There are a couple questions I want to answer and then I am so done with this topic.

After that week from h-e-double toothpicks, I have been very careful about the amount of artificial color that Mason has ingested. He is not allowed to have any red, although I have allowed yellow and other colors in moderation. Red is the real stickler with him ... it makes him crazy!

That said, his behavior has improved. He still has his moments, but overall ... he is doing much better.

We have continued to use the sticker chart at school and he has been inconsistent in the amount of stickers he receives each day. I am not convinced at this point, however, that it is just him being inconsistent ... I think his teachers are inconsistent as well.

And that is a problem.

Last Wednesday, Mason got four out of five stickers. The reason he didn't get the fifth sticker? Because "he spent too much time telling his friends to listen during class". Seriously. So we have gone from one extreme to the other.

This past Wednesday, Mason got one of out five stickers. Sigh. I don't remember now what all the reasons were, but I thought some were a bit extreme and that the teachers expectations were perhaps a little too high.

But then I questioned whether or not I thought that just because it is my son that we are critiquing here ... so to speak.

So today, he got three out of five stars. The two stars he didn't get were for not following directions and not keeping his hands to himself. The explanation? "When walking in the hall, Mason was touching the walls, the coats and his friends."

Are you friggin kidding me?

First of all, they docked him in two areas for essentially the same behavior. Second of all, he is a five year old kid! Is it really that big of a deal that he is touching the walls and coats in the hallway as they walk by?

I don't know, maybe my bias is getting in the way here. I just think that perhaps their expectations are a bit high. As far as I am concerned, he got five stars today.

The poor kid ... he tells me everyday ... "Mommy, I'm trying ... I'm really trying!"

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I also wanted to address a couple things with regard to ADHD, evaluations and medication. Although I have looked at a list of symptoms, I am in no way trying to diagnose him with ADHD right now. In my opinion ... and in the opinion of many professionals ... he is too young to evaluate appropriately. I want to wait and see how he does once he enters kindergarten in the fall. If we need to evaluate at that point, then we will.

So for now we are addressing the issue mostly by watching his diet, only because I have seen what it does for him. We are working hard on rewarding good behavior and trying not to focus a lot on the bad behavior. I should note, we do talk about his bad behavior, but we sort of try to turn that into how he can make it better. I hope that makes sense.

Thanks for listening to me ramble and for all of your feedback!

He's going to Disney World!

Yesterday while I was putting the girls down for a nap, I had Mason in his room having quiet time. After about a half hour, I went in to his room to find him standing over his suitcase.

Me: What are you doing, Bubs?
Mason: Packing my suitcase.
Me: Well where are you going?
Mason: To Disney World. Remember, if I get all five stickers, I get to go to Disney World.
Me: I see.

LOL. Have I mentioned he cracks me up?!

I mean, we have been working with him on rewarding good behavior, but Disney World? Wow, he must plan on being really, really good!

Now this I can't wait to see!

More on Bubs ...

... as if this post wasn't enough.

It seems there is a wide variety of information and opinions out there, depending who you talk to. I have spoke with two pediatricians about Mason's inconsistent behavior and both have told me, "Welcome to the world of boys."

I do believe whole heartedly that boys are so different than girls. Err ... I guess I should say many boys, so as to not completely generalize. They are much more active, they learn slower ... the list goes on. Somewhere in the middle of that is where I get confused with what is normal and what is not normal.

Today was a hard day.

I spent about an hour before school talking to Mason about appropriate behavior. I discussed the five categories on his daily chart and explained in detail what those things meant. We had a really good morning ... he even showered, got dressed and brushed his teeth with little to no fight. Now that is progress. I told him if he earned all five of his stickers at school, that I would take him to Disney on Ice this weekend.

I had so much confidence in him. We had great discussions ... I really thought he was going to be able to do it.

When I picked him up from school, the first thing I did after we got in the car was look at his daily chart.

He got three out of five stickers.

"Mason had a hard time following directions today. He was reminded several times."

"Mason was pulled out of PE class today for being rude and disrespectful to his friends."

I honestly just lost it ... I cried and cried. It wasn't his fault that I had myself geared up to see five stars ... but at the same time I just wanted to know why he was acting this way.

He got upset after seeing me upset and spent some time in his room until I could get the girls down for a nap. After that, Mason and I spent time together talking about what happened at school. And his behavior the remainder of the day was great ... I don't get it.

I have contemplated keeping Mason home for a week and I have told him this as well. But I'm not sure if that will achieve anything. He loves going to school ... he loves it. Keeping him home from school would definitely leave its mark on him, but I'm not sure that is the answer.

Just tonight, he said, "Mom! In a couple days we have the circus at school. Please let me go back to that school, Mom. You have to let me go back. Can I try one more time? Please Mom?!"

Talk about break my heart. I love this kid with all of my soul ... I just wish I could pick his brain a little bit.

I have read a lot today about alternative diets ... in addition to removing the artificial coloring, which we have done all along for the most part. It is all very interesting ... and intimidating ... and most likely time consuming.

But for me, that is my first step in trying to rectify his behavior, beyond the sticker charts. I did read a lot about ADHD today as well. I even took a few online questionnaires ... most of which we failed, meaning he probably is showing signs of ADHD.

But those questionnaires are for older kids and many of the questions were hard to answer for a kid Mason's age. I digress. I am trying to keep in mind that if he does have ADHD, he cannot control these behaviors. I have read so much about kids who have this diagnosis saying that their brain was foggy prior to treatment. Foggy, as in ... they can't think clearly and they can't control themselves.

So with that ... I have to try to find a happy medium while we work through this. It comes and it goes ... and this happens to be a particularly bad week.

Despite it all, he is still my sweet little boy that I love so much. And I hate to air his dirty laundry, but this is life ... and that is what this is all about. Life ... the good and the not so good.

It's a boy thing ... or is it?

Where to start?

Mason has always been ... shall I say, a wild one. He has always been on the hyper side and he has always been impulsive. He definitely has a lot of great days, but some of these hyper/impulsive behaviors are beginning to interfere with his functioning.

Let me give you a little history ...

Shortly before his second birthday, we moved him into his big boy bed ... and a new bedroom. In order to coerce him to stay in his new bed , we got him a little DVD player and let him watch one episode of cartoons before bed.

Why did we do this? I have no idea. Actually, I do have an idea. He was the worst sleeper ever. He rarely slept through the night and he hated his crib with a passion. A little DVD action was sure to keep him in his bed ... right?

Well ... turns out the DVD player was quite possibly the worst decision we ever made. Ever. Big surprise, huh? It was keeping him awake later than he should have been and the tantrums over him wanting another episode became more frequent.

So we took it away. Just like that. Mean parents, I know.

Actually ... smart parents.

It helped. He began getting the sleep he needed and his behavior improved. Imagine that!

Moving on ...

It was also around that time that I started researching artificial coloring in food and how it affects behavior in children. I was serious about it and decided to spend a few hours on a Saturday morning at the grocery store studying labels and finding alternative foods.

When I say it worked, I mean it worked. It was amazing to see the difference in Mason's behavior, especially after taking Red out of his diet. The only color we had a little trouble completely eliminating was Yellow ... macaroni and cheese has Yellow in it and getting rid of macaroni and cheese would have caused more behavior problems than the Yellow would have caused. I tried buying the gourmet stuff, but he would have no part of it.

Red is the biggest culprit, so that is the one we focused on the most. And we continue to do so. If I tell Mason that he can't have something because it has color in it, he understands completely what I'm talking about.

Moving on ...

Back in September 2008, Mason started preschool in a more structured preschool setting than he had been in previously. Since then, he has struggled a little bit with impulsiveness and appropriate behavior. These behaviors are come and go ... but like I said earlier, they are interfering with his functioning.

For example ...

• He does very well when it comes to structured classroom activity. The minute circle time or free play comes around, he has a hard time controlling himself. He seems to think he is the class clown and he has a hard time keeping his hands to himself.
• His mouth has gotten a little out of hand. He often says things to get a rise out of his friends. For example, last week when one of his teachers told him and a friend to stop whatever antics they were up to, he said, "Whatever." And then he laughed. Seriously? I don't think he would have reacted that way if his friend hadn't been involved, but it doesn't really matter ... he still did it.
  
• In the beginning of the year, he had problems when it came to bathroom time. He thought being in the bathroom with his friends was hysterical and he often said inappropriate things, like talking about his "wee-nut" {don't ask} or his friend's underwear. Sigh. I was flabbergasted because we don't exactly talk like that here at home. So again, I think it was all about him trying to get a rise out of his friends. As a result of his bathroom antics, he was forced to use the bathroom separate from his classmates. I do believe his behavior improved regarding this and come to think of it, I'm not sure if he has been permitted to rejoin his classmates yet or not.
  

Anyway ... Mason's teacher, Kyle and I have talked to him and worked with him and talked to him some more when he has behavioral problems. He seems to make positive changes ... and then suddenly we are back to square one. We have taken away his TV, his Nintendo DS and other special privileges. Sometimes I think he really thinks it is all a joke.

A couple months ago, I made a sticker chart for him at home. Whenever he listened well or was good at school, he would get a sticker. As soon as he earned 10 stickers, we would take him to buy a small toy. It really helped him ... for awhile. Granted, it sort of became old news after awhile.

Moving on ...

I spoke with Mason's teacher last week and was informed that Mason was still having troubles on occasion at school. His teacher started giving the kids stamps on their hands at the end of the day if they had a good day ... and that helped him ... for a few days.

All of this is combined with the fact that he is a bit behind in learning his numbers and his alphabet ... depending on who you ask. If you ask me, now that he is five, he should know his alphabet by sight ... and he doesn't ... he still struggles with some letters. He also should be able to count to 100 or more ... and he can't. He can't seem to grasp the concept of counting by tens, nor does he completely understand that it goes 71, 72, 73, 74, etc ... the same as 1, 2, 3, 4 ... just add the seventy!

But I digress, the learning aspect is separate from his behavior ... actually it most likely is related, but in my mind I'm treating it separately.

Moving on ...

So our newest attempt to rectify his behavior is to use this daily chart at school. His teacher is on board with this and I am hoping he strives to get his stickers every day. We are only two days in and as you can see, he missed two stickers on day two. He did awesome on day one, but day two was a little different ...

I also am going to be doing something similar here at home. Some categories I am thinking of include ...

• Brushed teeth and got dressed timely after he was asked {it is battle every day and it could go on for an hour}
• Got all five stickers at school
• Followed directions at home and acted in a respectful manner

If he does the things listed in each category, he will get a sticker in that category. At the end of each day, he will get a dollar if he got all of his stickers for the day. If he didn't, then he gets nothing. I guess I'm still trying to determine if this is the best way to approach it.

My biggest questions all along have been ... Is this a boy thing? Does he have hyperactivity disorder? Attention deficit disorder? His pediatrician thinks it is a boy thing ... and I'm honestly not sure. Despite the picture this might paint, he really is a great kid ... he just has these quirks that come and go ... and I'm not sure I have the answers any more.

Where has the time gone?

So much for blogging every day in October! We have been very busy here ... work, school, life, business, adoption ... the list is never ending.

Mason is having some troubles in school with behavior, so we are working on that. When it comes to sitting and working on projects, he does great. He thrives off of structure. However ... the minute he senses that a less organized activity is coming {i.e. circle time, bathroom break, playground}, he gets a bit too worked up. He likes to "play Power Rangers" with his friends, however he is a bit too rough. Not to the point that anyone gets hurt or that the other boys even care, but the activity in general in disruptive. Any ideas on how to curb this?

Another issue he is having is that he seems to think bathroom breaks are hysterical. Sigh. The five boys in the class have to stand in line while they each use the bathroom ... and Mason thinks it is funny that they are "naked". Seriously? WTF. I see none of this behavior here at home ... we don't focus on being naked ... there are no issues. So yeah ... any ideas on how to curb this?

Payton is doing great in school ... better at the special needs school than at the Mom's Morning Out program. Her biggest setback at this point continues to be her speech, however I can see how her language is expanding every day. She only has a couple words that she says clearly ... "no" being the main one. LOL. She also says dog, ball, more, milk ... umm, what else. I have to think. She has several signs, but needs more ... eat, sleep, drink, truck/car, potty, ball, more, wash, dog ... I have to think of the others, I know there are more.

I'm at peace with her speech delay ... I have come to the point where I know that she will talk when she wants to talk. She has shown us all along that she will do things at her own pace. For now, we can communicate with her just fine.

She is doing great on the potty ... she wears pull ups now during the day and will stay dry if we make sure we take her to the potty consistently. She is still training and while she sometimes will tell us she has to go by patting her diaper, we have to remember to prompt her to go most times. Her special needs school has been great with working on potty training with her ... she stays dry there. The MMO program ... not so much. They claim she hasn't used the potty for them at all yet, and that just makes me wonder how much they are really helping the cause here. If they are waiting for her to say, "I have to go potty." ... well, they have another thing coming. LOL. She can't talk people.

I have a fear that she is getting left behind at the MMO program, but I'm not sure. She is now going into her classroom with no problems or tears, so that is definitely a good thing. She likes it there, but I just want her to be included. I was told that she isn't participating in circle time and that they don't make her, or any of the other kids, for that matter, if they don't want to. IMHO they should be making the kids participate and teaching them what it means to have circle time. I know she can do it ... she always did it at Chesterbrook and she does it at her other school. But they are letting her get away with not participating. I just hope she isn't getting left behind, so to speak, because she can't talk like her peers. I think we need to have a conference. LOL. We'll see how that goes ... overall I'm happy she is there, although that may not have come across here ... oops.

She got what she wanted

So yeah, we still have to rock Payton to sleep at night, or at least stay in her room until she is pretty much asleep. That is pretty much getting old ... fast. Tonight I laid her in her crib and tried to leave the room after a few minutes. She cried. And cried and cried. So I went in to tell her to calm down and she had pooped from crying. It breaks my heart but seriously ... the child needs to learn how to go to sleep on her own. I got her a clean diaper and the entire time I can tell she was disgusted with me because the lower lip stayed out. She can pout with the best of them. So feeling guilty {and creating even more sleep issues}, I brought her into my room and laid her in my bed. She immediately flashed me a huge grin and rolled over to go to sleep. Like, "Ha ... I got what I wanted!" She is so dang cute, but such a little stinker!

Update on Mason

A little while back, Mason seemed to be having a rough time with his behavior. It essentially boiled down to lack of sleep. Kyle and I acknowledge our fault in this, as well as the culprit ... his TV in his room.

Well, the TV was taken out of his room one naughty night. He has adjusted to that better than expected. He asked a few times to get his TV back ... well, the conversation went something like this ...

Mason: "Mommy, can I have my TV back now?"
Me: "No Bubs. Remember, you have been such a big boy without your TV."
Mason: "Oh yeah!"

End of conversation. Wow, that was easy! Anyway, it has been so nice to actually see him asleep by 9 or 9:30, which is still sort of late. His behavior has changed remarkably ... just goes to show what a little sleep can do!